Well, actually it`s not news so much as a snippet. I felt terrible not posting something on Sundays, so I thought I would share a short excerpt from the first of two novellas I`m working on for NaNoWriMo.
The working title for the M/F tale is Light the Lamp, but that may change. It`s an erotic cougar tale about Carol Odell, a dog groomer who meets and tumbles for the second line center for the Columbus Ravens, Kyle Kinzer. I am having so much fun with Kyle and Carol, but I am also really enjoying writing the dialog between Carol and her best friend/business partner Donna Pardone. Only best friends could be this comfortable with each other.
Here`s a wee bit of conversation between Carol and Donna. This excerpt is NSFW. It contains naughty words about sexy acts and man parts. If this offends please feel free to come back at another time. I will not be hurt in the least. For those of you who are still here enjoy the snippet! Do keep in mind it is rough as a cobblestone road, so just ignore any pesky errors you may stumble upon.
"Did you ever order those new business cards?"
I looked up from the numbers I was placing carefully into columns in my ledger. Donna sat across from me in my kitchen, her face screwed into a mask of confusion. On the other hand, she may have had gas. We did just finish off a huge Mexican meal.
"I thought you were going to handle that," I answered, my pen hovering over our costs for the month of September.
"Oh good Lord, excuse me." Donna leaped to her feet then ran over to open the small window over the sink. Guess the confusion versus gas question had been answered. Muggles yawned from under the table, his jowls coming back to rest on the top of my foot. "Whose brilliant idea was it to stop for Mexican?"
I pretended I did not see her fanning her fanny. "That would have been your brilliant idea," I said then returned to the drudgery that is monthly bookkeeping. Someday, as soon as humanly possible, we'd be able to hire an accountant. Until then, it was Donna, me, and her gassy gut every month.
"Never listen to me again." I heard the window closing."So, did you order those cards?"
"No. I thought we had discussed trying to keep things local if possible. Thanks." I lifted my empty coffee mug. Donna topped me off then filled her own mug.
"I can stop into the printing shop over on Hilltop Lane on my way in tomorrow." Donna returned to her seat with a burrito in her hand. My eyebrow climbed into my hairline. "Don`t judge me."
"I'm not. I just have to smell you," I said with a wink. "We don't have anything coming in until ten tomorrow, so go ahead and drop into the print shop. I'll make a run to the post office and drop off these invoices and — what the hell?"
Her burrito hit the plate in front of her. Beans and rice bounced over our paperwork.
"Do not let me touch another burrito. I can't let Phil know I fart, burp, or swear."
I flicked a bean to the floor. I looked down to witness Muggles reach out with his tongue like a chameleon to snap up the bean.
"And Phil would be who exactly?" I laid down my pen and began picking kernels off the bills.
"He runs the print shop. He has an ass you can bounce a quarter off of and a mouth like Orlando Bloom."
"Yummy," I murmured as I rolled another bean off the side of the table. I didn't need to look down. I heard the bean meet its maker.
"He is most yummy. Of course, he`s in his late forties and married, not young and available like your hockey stud but—excuse me? I was talking here," Donna snapped as I bolted from the kitchen into my living room. I found the remote beside my tablet. Donna appeared at my side a moment later chewing on her previously discarded burrito. I gave her a look. "It's why they make Beano, right? What are you looking for?"
"The Ravens game," I said as I flipped channels. "Where do I find sports?"
"Everywhere it seems. Try channel 45. I was once cruising past and saw men in tight white pants and shoulder pads patting each other's asses."
She sat down on the couch. I punched in channel 45. Two men were making out in the shower.
"Huh, I never knew we got Logo," I said.
We both watched spellbound for a few minutes then I resumed searching for hockey. I found it up on channel 82. My ass met the sofa.
"Am I to understand we are now going to watch this hockey game?" I nodded at her. Her finely plucked eyebrows beetled but she said nothing else about it. "Is there a reason that they're all standing around? Damn it! Muggles come clean this up. Stop scowling, it didn`t have any sour cream."
"I think they're standing around because that man with the big head is going to sing the National—look! It`s Kyle." I leaned forward, elbows to knees, remote still in hand. He looked just as good as I remembered, maybe even better.
"That kid is beyond delicious. I would be jealous if I didn`t love you so much. You can go away now, dog. Your breath smells like you've been eating road kill."
"Love you too, now be quiet. I want to learn as much as I can before Wednesday so I can dazzle Kyle with my new-found expertise." The camera panned away from the bench, and Kyle, to the man waving a small American flag over his head as he sang. When the anthem ended, the camera was moving over the Ravens bench. I saw Kyle kiss the Hufflepuff key then tuck it back into his jersey. I mean sweater. My stomach glowed like banked embers. He was wearing my gift.
"As if the game is hard to grasp," Donna mumbled around a mouthful. "I mean, it's simple. All those big men on skates try to hit a black thing into a net. There, you now know all you need to know about the game. Worry about honing your oral sex skills. That will impress the young buck a lot more. I saw this video on Facebook where a woman showed how to use a grapefruit wedge to enhance a blow job." I gaped at her openly. She lowered her burrito. "What?"
"Where do you find these things? The only videos I see on Facebook have cute kittens and adorable kids."
She smiled wickedly but said nothing more. I snuck a peek at the TV. The singer was gone now. A bunch of players stood in the middle of the rink in a circle. The referee was teasing two men by pretending to throw down the puck repeatedly. When he finally did drop the puck and the Raven player lunged for it, the referee blew the whistle and made the Raven player leave. A different Raven player skated over, crouched down, and did the same thing but he didn`t have to leave.
"I'm already confused," I confessed. Donna was licking her fingertips with loud smacking noises. We sat in silence for another five minutes. I was doomed. I could not follow the puck and I did not understand why there were whistles blowing and play stopping for icing. Of course the puck was icy, they were playing on ice. It made no sense. The only sensible thing about the game so far was when one man in a green jersey crashed into the Raven's goalie. A fight broke out. Not that I condone violence, but a knuckle sandwich to the nose for knocking down another player made sense, in a sort of barbaric way. Perhaps I should have paid more attention to Kim when I had been at the game. I peeked at Donna through my lashes when a commercial break began. "A grapefruit?"