Thursday, January 19, 2012


Good morning all! Come on in and warm up with a fresh cuppa!

Boy, winter has come charging into the Laurel Highlands like a runaway steer! Rain and snow and wind and ice and BLECH! All this time indoors over the past few days has given me time to write (Which is good), read (Which is also good), clean (Which is an utter fabrication) and nose around on the internet reading what others have to say. This internet dallying when I should be dusting has led me to this pondering post. It started when I was on Facebook the other night and came across some comments among some of my daughter’s friends and herself.

Now I know it was all in good fun, and I`m usually one of those mom`s that all the kids think are pretty cool. At least, I try to be welcoming to my daughter`s friends both in my home and online. But this rash of comments between a couple of her male friends about her just struck me the wrong way. Don`t get me wrong, I`m no prude, but I am a mother. There are some things that gentlemen should not discuss about a young lady on a public forum, even if it is in jest. Well, long story short, I called her on it. I asked why she allowed such a conversation to be placed on Facebook. The conversation between her and I did not go well. She found my thinking rather archaic to say the least, and strongly rebelled against my saying that her male friends should treat her with more value.

“It all comes down to respect for a lady,” I informed her.

I guess being called a young lady in today`s society is a no-no. When did this occur?? When did it become acceptable for young men to discuss intimate details about a young woman where fifty million people can read it? Real gentlemen don`t kiss and tell, or not kiss and tell, whichever the case may be. I admit I was stumped by her reaction. When did respect become a bad word?

Things eventually calmed down between mother and daughter after I voiced my opinion, and life went on as it always does. A day or two later I stumbled across an article about how many young parents are teaching their kids to address adults by using their first names, as opposed to the antiquated terms of Mr., Mrs., etc. One young mother even went on to say that we, as adults, are not entitled to such titles just because we`re older.

Excuse me? Uhm, yes, I AM entitled to being addressed as Mrs. Locey, thank you very much. I am an adult. They are children. I earned that moniker of regard by living to be fifty, being married for over twenty years, learning about life and all the hard knocks it gives you, and being a mother for close to sixteen years.

I cannot imagine going into any home as a child and walking up to my friend`s parents and saying, ‘Hey, Tim! Howdy Greta!’ My mother would have flayed me alive for such disrespect of someone older than me when she heard about it. And make no mistake, she would have heard about it. What the heck is going on? Can someone please explain this trend to me? I am so lost I need a GPS and Les Stroud to get me back home. When did addressing your elders with the respect due to them because they have lived and learned for fifty, sixty, seventy or more years become old hat? When did treating a young woman like a lady become something to shudder or scoff at?

Maybe it`s just me. Maybe I really AM getting old and frumpy and grouchy. Well, I`ve always been frumpy and grouchy at times, but still, the point remains! Perhaps I AM out of touch with the times, but make no mistake, when a youngster calls my home or appears at my door, they had darn well call hubby and I Mister and Mrs. Locey. That`s just showing consideration for someone who knows a whole HELL of a lot more than the young teen speaking to us. So, now that I have that off my chest, I`m going to go listen to Aretha telling it like it is. Hmm, maybe some of these teens and young parents should listen to Ms. Franklin? It would be a HUGE step up from Justin Beiber and maybe, just maybe, they`d learn something.


Michele Stefanides said...

You speak truth. All of my kids' friends have always called me Mrs. and my husband Mr. And I taught my children the same. As you say, when we were growing up (a phrase I usually hate to use), we would have been sorely, and I do mean physically sorely, disabused of that notion immediately. But the times, they do change. It has become somewhat of an outdated social convention to use those terms of respect. I teach the girls to refer to my friends as "Miss Jenny," or "Mr. Kevin." Many people our age prefer the first name these days, but I figure the Miss/Mister is a good compromise between the old and the new.

V.L. Locey said...

Yeah, I try not to use that phrase 'When I was young' myself, but sometimes it just creeps out. Those are good compromises, Michele, they at least show that the child respects the older person they are addressing. And yes, as a child, I would have been physically disabused of speaking disrespectfully to an elder.

Sometimes it just hits me how much our society is changing, and not always for the better in my humble.

the cuby poet said...

The title of your blog caught m eye so I came and looked at this post and discovered great minds think
alike right across the planet. Not sure where you are but old fogies know so much more than young wippper snappers RESPECT should live on.

Sharon said...

When I was on fb under my real name, my grandchildren were my 'friends'. It literally made me sick and I commented to my DIL about various language and conversations they were having. It didn't bother her in the least. It's really scary to think where that all could lead, especially with my 13 yr. old Granddaughter!

I don't get respect anymore, did with the first batch, but with the youngest, his friends had no manners, though I tried to instill and correct - then I was the wicked witch...

Anonymous said...

I've been out of school for over 30 years and I still refer to my grade school teachers as Mr. or Mrs. I dont think I even know some of their first names even though I've known them most of my life. I agree.. not as much respect these days. I work in a juvenile detention facility and the kids have to call staff & teachers Mr. or Mrs. And staff that see the kids out on the street after they've reached 19 or 20 years old still get called Mr. or Mrs.!

Ohiofarmgirl said...

a friend and were comparing the horrors of our teenage niece's fb pages. we honestly couldnt agree which was worse. and then we realized these young girls mothers knew exactly what was on their daughter's fb pages. and allowed it. heck one of them thought it was cute. my friend and i talked about how the 'young women' today have done more to devalue themselves, by buying into this nonsense, than anything else ever has. good for you for saying something!

back in the day... we would have never referred to an adult by their first name. but back then we would have been corrected by our parents. i think they call that child abuse now.

thanks for speaking up!

V.L. Locey said...

I`m glad to hear I`m not the only person that feels that respect is something that you learn and pass on, and having that drummed into you is not a bad thing.

Oh those Facebook pages. I read things on some young ladies pages that make ME blush! And I write spicy romance novels! I like your point Ohiofarmfirl about how allowing young men to speak to you rudely in public devalues a young woman. Very well said!

small farm girl said...

I don't even call my grandmas and grandpas by their first names. It's Grandma Roberts and Grandpa Roberts or Grandma and Grandpa Lawhun. Absolutely no respect. But, it won't change until parents stop thinking of their children as "better" than anyone else.

Anonymous said...

MTV, Hollywood and other things like Parenting skills are taking away respect. That's my short answer.