Sunday, November 6, 2011
Where The Wild Eyelashes Roam
Howdy gang, drop on down and I`ll grab the pot. The coffee pot I mean, not the weed pot. Who the heck needs me being any dopier than I usually am?!
The other day I was pondering. I sometimes ponder in odd places, like the grocery store or the drug store or while driving. This time I was pondering while I was drying off after a nice hot bath one evening. It came to me as I was applying some moisturizer. I stood at the sink, in my Iron Man lounge pants and a red matching tank top, minus my glasses, so I was on tip-toe with my nose about an inch from the looking glass. I stopped applying face cream and gaped at my eyelashes. Now I know I`ve mentioned before how they seem to have disappeared. What perplexed me was where they could have gone. I don`t ever find any on my pillow case, although with all the dog and cat hair it might be hard to differentiate, but I don`t seem to have eyelashes stuck to my lips when I wake up.
Where could they be going, I`ve been wondering. Eyelashes just don`t one day decide to pack up and leave town, do they? Where would they go if they did? Would they hitchhike to someone else`s eyelids? That hardly seems feasible. Maybe they go to some exotic locale to lie in the sun and sip on drinks with paper umbrellas while they discuss the merits of different mascara manufacturers, or bemoan those dreaded eyelash curlers. That also, upon further reflection, didn`t seem to be a viable answer.
Then, as I was slowly rubbing moisturizer on my neck I discovered where my eyelashes have moved to. They didn`t go to the Florida Keys or Mexico or even Arizona where it’s hot but dry, nope! They had simply shifted to a new neighborhood under my chin. I have to assume that this new stomping ground is to their liking, since they seem to be growing like weeds down there, like they used to when they still resided on my upper eyelids. Sure, they did leave a forwarding address of short lashes but it would have been nice to have been notified of this odd move beforehand.
You know, just a small note saying something like-
We are tired of hanging out over your eyes and wish to live under your chin. It`s less irritating down there, and shady as well! Please don`t buy any more mascara, unless you wish to darken us as we chill out under your chin. Oh, we have heard rumors that your leg hair is thinking of moving into our new neighborhood. We hate to be judgmental, but we feel your upper lip would be a much better place for those leg hairs that used to need shaving weekly but now only require a razor every two months. Thank you for your cooperation and years of lengthening and thickening. Tell the new hair on your upper lip we said hello! Enjoy your post-menopausal years!
PS-Do keep in mind that we are not fond of razors or tweezers or wax. We do, though, think brightly colored beads braided into us would be most festive come the holiday season! Tatty bye!
Darn pity I thought as I reached for Mister`s razor in the medicine cabinet. They had written such a nice letter too.
Also, I`d like to give a big yodel of welcome to Kate Spencer! Welcome aboard, Kate!