Wednesday, November 2, 2011
The Great Milk-Bone Dilemma
It had to happen eventually.
Yesterday morning, around four-fifteen A.M. (Way before I had enough java juice into me to make my brain function properly), we experienced ‘The Great Milk-Bone Dilemma’. Mister had just left for work and I had stumbled out into the living room muttering ‘Brains’, my left slipper missing and in the mouth of a certain Black Lab. All three dogs were doing the Pee-Pee dance at the door. I removed my slipper from the mouth of the black lab, so it didn`t end up lost in the weeds, shoved the soggy footgear onto my right foot, (It was early, don`t judge me) rearranged slipper to correct foot then pushed the door open. Out they went like they were holiday shoppers and it was Black Friday at Toys `R Us. Also one yellow cat snuck out, I assume hidden under the belly of one of the Labs, since he can`t hide successfully under the beagle. Too low of an undercarriage you see.
I made my way to the pot, poured, creamed and sugared and waited. As I waited I sipped and tried to understand why I had been dreaming about being on the Enterprise. It was a pretty good dream, what there was of it. Number One was showing me to the holo-deck for some reason. Maybe I was planning on reliving the battle of Troy? Who knows? Anydoodles, I stopped wondering why I dream the things I do and went to the door to let the three dogs back in. The foursome, me and the trio of eager canines, tripped to the cupboard and opened the door. Well, I tripped and opened the door. Stifling a yawn I reached into the box of Milk-Bones and found only one snack. Oh dear. I gave the three dogs a worried look as I pulled the lone doggie biscuit out. I had forgotten to buy dog snacks! That is nearly as bad as forgetting to buy cat nubbies!
“Uhm, guys, we have a problem,” I said, turning around to see three dogs waiting with expectant looks in their brown eyes. “We only have one bone and three dogs.”
I don`t think they saw the difficulty because math isn`t their strong suit.
“I can break it in half but that still leaves one dog out,” I told them. Poe shuffled a sneaky look down at Tinker. “Why shouldn`t Tinker get half?” I asked the aged yellow Lab. “Is it because he`s shorter than you two girls or because he`s a guy?”
She rolled her eyes as if the answer should be obvious.
“Okay, well we`re not discriminating against gender. So, which one of you three has misbehaved the worst in the past day?” I asked. Six eyes moved nervously around the room. They weren`t going to cop to anything it seemed. I frowned. They wagged their tails. This was too complicated a mental task with only four swigs of coffee in my bloodstream!
What to do, what to do I ruminated. As I stood there deliberating, the three dogs really turned on the charm. You all know that look. I was torn. Then I snapped the bone in half and their eyebrow whiskers rose in anticipation and their ears perked up. Except for Tinker. His ears are too long and droopy to perk up, although they do hang nicely in his gravy dog food every night.
“Tell you what I`m going to do,” I said and reached into the cupboard with my left hand, “Two of you get a biscuit and one of you will get a cookie!”
They looked unimpressed. “A human cookie,” I added with a smile. “Now, who wants the Milk-bone and who wants the human cookie?” I inquired, pleased as punch to have figured out a solution to the great dilemma. Poe shot Tinker another bad look. Tinker licked his chops. Trinity dropped the sneaker she had been holding.
Hmmm, guess this one was going to be tougher than I thought I sighed. I took the only available option my sleepy brain could come up with at four-fifteen in the morning. Each dog got a sugar cookie, the broken biscuit went back into the box and I made sure I stopped and bought another box of Milk-Bone`s before I went to my luncheon date with two of my fellow lady scribes.
Talk about a crisis neatly averted!