Friday, September 30, 2011

Thoughts from a Naked Goatherder??

That`s it, I am done with clothes! From here on out I am going to be a nekkid goatherder!

Sure, that might be a rather dangerous decision given the amount of critters around here that have big peckers and-Oh behave yourselves! I was talking about the turkeys and their large beaks! Now where was I? The big peckers, right! (And there goes my PG-13 rating swirling down the gutter where it will snuggle up closely to my mind I`m sure.)

It might be a dangerous decision with those turkeys running around pecking at body parts. And lord knows if I got a boob closed in a gate or pen door that would smart but I am tossing aside my garments to be a nudist caprine raiser! The reason for all this nudity you ask? Oh yeah, a reason would help unless you know, I just decided to run around bare-arsed to help bolster egg sales. *Ponders* Nah, that wouldn`t work well I`m sure.

The reason I`m dropping my clothes-wearing habit is because I can`t seem to keep the rassafrassin` things clean! It is simply appalling how quickly I ruin clothes. I have no clue how I grew into such a slob but apparently I did. My drawers are overflowing with tank tops and tees that I can only wear around the house. Perfect case in point-

Sunday we went to my sister-in-laws for a birthday party for my nephew. She made the biggest dish of baked spaghetti I have ever seen! Boy howdy did it smell good with all that cheese and sauce bubbling up and down. Before we left I changed out of my ‘Only-Wore-Two-Times-Then-Gobbed-Mayo-On-The-Front’ purple tank top into a lovely white sleeveless top. I know, I know. You`re asking yourself why would Feral wear white when she knows spaghetti is on the menu. I honestly don`t know. I thought it would look nice with the dark green khaki shorts I had bought. And it did, until I sat down with my family and a mushroom rolled down my boobs to my plate. *sighs*

My daughter thought that was pretty funny. Mister simply rolled his eyes. He`s gotten used to seeing me perform like this whenever we eat. Last time he and I had our dinner and a movie night I slobbered turkey gravy from my French fries into the same purple top I had cast off on Sunday. Even now as I type I can`t keep my eyes from the toothpaste smear on my shirt. What do they put in toothpaste anyway that resists all cleansing attempts?! No matter how you scrub or soak that spot that darn white mess reappears magically like David Blaine. Sorry, I digressed.

Needless to say my white shirt is now ruined for out-of-home use. So I said the heck with it. I`m done buying clothes only to muck them up before the tag is even properly torn from under the armpit. From this day forth I shall be an unclothed yodeler! I shall scamper across the farm in only my Muck boots, trying to keep a wide berth between me and the meat turkeys who I know shall lumber after me trying to peck my rump thinking my cheeks are loaves of chubby bread. Chores should be much easier, and breezier. No hidden nooks to hold all that hay chaff. No bra to catch chicken feed when I fill the feeders. No pants for goats to chew upon and leave those lovely cud stains.

Heck, maybe this nude farming will catch on! Maybe someday all goatherder`s will be free of the confines of their clothes! Perhaps in the future all we rural critter keepers will be frolicking about with only an egg basket and a smile! It could happen! If we all lived in Texas I suppose. Hmm, maybe I`ll start being a nekkid goatherder after winter is done. Feral in nothing but her Muck boots come February might be a slightly blue Feral.

There are some peaks here in Pennsylvania that I really don`t want to see snow on in further reflection.


TexWisGirl said...

well, i can attest to being an oft half nudist in texas. it's been one heckuva hot summer, after all...

Sharon said...

Sounds like you a take along bib... maybe with a plastic backing....

I really am the pot calling the kettle black, I am also a mess as far as my clothes go, if I had to go somewhere special - well, I would have to shop.

C and C Antiques and Animals - What a Life! said...

Sounds like you have a plan. Let me know if it works because I cannot keep any of my clothes clean either. I have more "around the barn" clothes than outside clothes too.

small farm girl said...

I'll join the necked farmers club in a heart beat!!!! I too am cursed with the " can't keep clothes clean" talent.

Charlotte said...

Hilarious! When I take the hay to the goats, I get hay all inside my clothes. It hurts. I have taken my shirt off and brushed off the hay right there. I don't wear a bra unless I know someone is coming over; then it depends on who it is.