Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Feral Ponders-20 Years of Wedded Bliss

What can a woman say about being married for twenty years? Well, I`ve been pondering….

When I first sat down to pen this entry I had a mixed bag of ideas. I thought about telling y`all how Mister and I first met, but didn`t know if he`d like the idea of me informing folks of how shy he was back then. Oops, well the cat`s out of that bag now isn`t it?! Sometimes I look at the man I`ve shared all those years with and can`t see that quiet man I first met. Other times I look at him and can see the silent guy very well. And sure, sometimes I wish that male that hardly said two words to me during that double-date with a couple friends were back!

I guess quite a bit of being married for so long is about just that. Still being able to enjoy the fellow you first met while watching him, and yourself, grow and change. And just as the people who are involved must change, so must your marriage. I can`t imagine a woman out there who`s been married for more than six months can honestly say their union is the same as when they were blushing newlyweds. If it is then the hubby and you are living in a vacuum of time and space. How can it remain the same?

We all know that the rosy blush of that first year fades over time. Now that`s not to say that the passion withers away, although of course the passion seems to take a backseat when the kids start to arrive. I can recall our first year of marriage. Living in a tiny trailer that shook when a mouse sneezed in the tin walls, although we didn`t seem to mind much. We had other things on our minds! *Waggles brows*

Funny how now Mister and I find ourselves growing back together now that our daughter is growing up. Seems so much of our time and energy was spent making sure she thrived and had the attention she needed that now that she`s almost old enough to drive we`re now looking at the fact that it`s just going to be us soon. Okay, soon is three more years but as fast as time goes that`ll be here before Mom and Dad is ready for it!

Over the past couple of years our marriage has gone through some changes and some hard times too. But we stuck it out, rode over those nasty lumps and emerged with a stronger union.

Again, if someone tells you they`ve been married for a long time and have never run over a few speed bumps they are lying. You cannot live with another human being and have it be all sunshine and unicorns! They will, on occasion, drive you nuts. And I`m pretty sure I`ve driven Mister Yodeling to Looney Town a few times over those twenty years! Word to the young girls sighing over wedding gowns-It`s the little things that will make you pull out and braid your hair.

Like never closing cabinet doors.*Sighs wearily* To this day I cannot grasp how a man can open a kitchen cabinet or drawer and not close it. How is that even possible?! Do you not see that cabinet door hanging open, waiting for your little Hobbit of a wife to run her head into it?? Does the male mind only work on the ‘Open’ synapse and not the ‘Close’ one as well? Don`t they go hand in hand?! Open-Close-Open-Close-Open-Close-See the rhythm there guys?

Also, if I may point this out purely for the young ladies who are staring at their fiancée with stars in their eyes-It takes years to train that male you`re so gaga over to rinse out their own pop cans. We won`t go into the carrying the empty ice cream bowl and spoon to the sink battle for that would only make you brides-to-be overly anxious and I don`t want to cause any wedding plans to go awry.

Just know that after many years of gentle persuasion which your husband will call harping, you will have him swishing water in his empty pop can and placing it into the dish drainer. If you`re really lucky you may have a Labrador retriever that will bring you the ice cream bowl and spoon upon request! (Your husband’s request that is, since he doesn`t wish to leave the recliner and the hunting show that’s on.)

But in all fairness I am not without my foibles. I, for example, am the one who doesn`t screw the cap back on the toothpaste tightly OR flatten out the tube. I am a squeezer. Mister is a flattener. That little fracas has been going back and forth for many years. I figure why screw tightly when you`re just going to be unscrewing again after your next meal?? My spouse on the other hand seems to get rather annoyed when he has to try to retrieve the cap from the teensy little drain in our bathroom sink.

I also tend to be rather pedantic about odd things such as folding the blanket on the back of the recliner a certain way. Really it shouldn`t matter to me if Mister folds it only four times as opposed to my six times should it? As long as he folds it and doesn`t toss it to the floor for me or the orally obsessed black lab to pick up that should be good right? So yeah, I`m no Snow White to live with either it seems upon reflection. Ha! See I used Snow White and reflection there with the whole mirror thing and-Ahem. Sorry, I amuse myself far too easily at times.

I guess what I`m pondering over is the fact that despite the little bumps-like open cabinets and toothpaste caps-and the really large gulley your marriage van of happiness may run over, or into, the key thing is to not give up too easily. If your man is a good one-One that works his ass off to provide for you and your kids-One that comes home and doesn`t leave his paycheck at the bar-One that never raises a hand to you or your children-One that treats you with respect and humor, then try your darnedest to ride along life`s rocky road together. If you find that you can`t live with each other after exhausting each and every auto repair manual then go your separate ways, but don`t go until you`ve tried everything to restart that marriage motor.

Oh sure, you may have to get out of that rackety old Studebaker of love on occasion and pump up a flat. And sometimes you might have to give an overheated radiator time to cool off before you dump water into it. Heck, you might even have to give the engine a shot of ether on cold mornings to get it to roll over! But those are the things we have to do to keep a classic vehicle purring along the roadway of wedded bliss. I had a thought about gas but opted to skip that since it would be in poor taste but yeah, you old married gals don`t need to be told about THAT now do you??

My mental meanderings have brought me around in a neat little circle, as they usually do, and this time I didn`t even end up with a moose in the passenger seat! This time I ended up with Mister there, and I really can`t imagine a better person to clutch the dashboard with as I go chugging down the road of life.

I love you honey…..Happy twentieth anniversary.


phylliso said...

Good advice,Feral.The hubby & I have been married for 37 years.I have learned nagging him never works & he still leaves the cabinet doors open.Somehow during the second part of our lives together I have become his mother,how the heck did THAT happen?But it`s the knowing you have someone beside you that matters the most,have a wonderful day together!phyllis

Nancy @ A Rural Journal said...

Happy Anniversary! Great post -- should be mandatory reading for newlyweds. :)

texwisgirl said...

Amen to Nancy's comment, and a very happy anniversary to you two!

Texan said...

Happy Anniversary!!!

Very well put! Just wait till you hit 28 years and you can add a few more paragraphs to it, tee hee.....

*~*~*~*~Tonia said...

Happy Anniversary!! I am a Squeezer and he is a Flattener of the toothpaste tube!LOL He can be a tad bit OCD about some things! I am sooo Not OCD. But we have grown together. So many people hit a little speed bump and then that s it they are down. No stickability to them at all. Then 2nd & 3rd time around they are wondering why they arent making it yet again.. Maybe Just Maybe the problem is Not the person they married but theirself or is it themselves? Either way they have issues but always blame it on the others..
OKAY I will hush now!! Love your post!

Negerigeletschtempoit said...

Great post, as always! Congratulations on the twenty years!

misha said...

Happy Anniversary!!!!!!
Awesome post :)
xo, misha

Feral Female said...

I`m so glad to hear I`m not the only squeezer out there!

Sharon said...

Happy Anniversary!!!

Sweet post :-)

Toothpaste problem? I solved ours easily - he has his and I have mine (I am the flattener).

Mr. Pip said...

Well, you have done it again! I have a new favorite post of yours - previous favorite was your birthday post. This was refreshing, funny, and touching and I loved it!

We have this SAME conversation over the toothpaste! And for me it's not the kitchen cabinet, but the dirty socks on the floor - a mere 20 feet from the hamper! We have the ice cream container thing handled as Pip has been known to carry them across the room.

Thanks! Happy Anniversary!

small farm girl said...

Great post! This is comming from a flattener. lol. I think you just found the type of book you need to write. Snow White and the seven toothpaste tubes. Hey, that's catchy!

Mary Ann said...

What a lovely comment on your marriage... and good advice! Congratulations on 20, here's to 20 more!

Feral Female said...

Thank you all kindly! Isn`t it funny how so many are either squeezers or flatteners??