Friday, November 26, 2010

To-Ga! To-Ga! To-Ga!

Have you ever woken up and thought you had come awake inside a frat house???

I swear when I rolled out of bed this morning I found not my quiet, serene and somewhat tidy home but some scene from Animal House!

Now I`m sure that most of you folks had the same carbohydrate overload as I did last night….or perhaps y`all are more resistant to the lure of mashed potatoes, stuffing and gravy. I was still in a state of mental torpor and shuffling slippers when I slid from my covers. Have you ever taken just a few measly steps and known the day was going to begin with a bang??

My slipper slid in something at the end of the bed. Oh yes, I can hear all you pet owners muttering along to that miserable feeling. I limped into the bathroom and found a dogs dinner stuck to the bottom of my slipper. This was most pleasant at 5 AM. Nothing quite like stepping in kibbles and left-over corn before the coffee hits the bloodstream. Feral was not amused. I took a moment to wash off the sole of my slipper then slugged down the hallway and tripped over my lamp. Seems someone in the fraternity had cleared off the end-table during the night of wild pet revelry. Lamp, picture of Miss Yodeling, doily and an air freshener had been tumbled. How I didn`t place my foot on the round air freshener and roll across the room like a roller derby queen I have yet to know.

Zombie-woman tosses lamp back to table and proceeds onward with only the stoves hood light to guide her through the darkness. I find the other lamp where it belongs and mutter something like ‘Brains’ or possibly ‘Blintzes’. Not sure, it was early and my mind was still slow from all the gravy. I take two steps and find a pile of doggie-doo not an inch from the bottom of my still damp slipper. Again, how I missed THAT little package remains to be seen. Guess the fairies were watching over me. I clean up the stinky gift and let the very quiet dogs out then pad into the kitchen, intent on the wondrous brew calling to me.

That’s when I found coffee grinds and egg shells scattered all over my stove and counter. (We dry out the grinds, filters and egg shells in an old pie tin and toss them in the wood stove.) Ah but there really is nothing like dried coffee grinds to try to clean up from the range top at 5:03 AM! After taking a moment to get some coffee a.k.a. zombie-cure into my veins I gathered up more paper towels and rug cleaner and schlepped back to the bedroom. I was fairly certain that when Mister woke up he would step in the mounds of doggie upchuck barefooted. Despite the humor that thought gave me I cleaned it up anyway. As I passed Miss Yodeling`s bedroom door with one damp slipper and a bag filled with dirty paper towels I spied yet another offering from a canine just inside her portal.

I am reasonably sure I made a very sour face and may have said some unladylike words as I dropped down to my knees yet again. I wasn`t sure how the dogs got so much corn since the only corn around was some funky old corn I found way in the back of the fridge and tossed out the back door for the chick—And pop goes the light-bulb at 5:15 in the morning. Things have been pretty subdued among the party animals this afternoon. Guess they`re either resting up for another shindig tonight or they`re recuperating from the rager last night.

If I find any small togas stuffed under the coach I am NOT getting out of bed first tomorrow!!


Millie said...

We goats would never leave nasty presents like that--just a few rolly pellets!

Sharon said...

Ah, the little gifts! The only ones lately, since Jill was potty trained, are the cat's yuk-ups. Jill makes up for being good, by occasionally waking us up, with crossed legs, at 3:00 a.m. Not sure there, which is worse???

Leigh said...

Nothing like a hot steaming present to set your morning off right! :)

Michele Stefanides said...

Yikes! Maybe they just wanted to remind you of all the "normal" parts of your life to be thankful for! :-)

small farm girl said...

They were just showing you how thankful they were for Thanksgiving. heheheheh.

Kristine said...

That sounds positively disgusting. Spilled coffee grounds is a major pet peeve of mine. Comes from living with two many boys who don't clean up their messes, I think. 5 am is way to early for that. You have my sympathy.

Feral Female said...

It was quite the morning I will say that! =)