Sunday, July 11, 2010

Driving Mister Yodeling

Hi y`all! Have a sit down while I ponder upon some important things.

Hope all is going well with everyone who drops in for a cuppa! I am most pleased to say that my time hauling hay has drawn to a close. Not that I didn`t enjoy spending time with my husband because I did. I love the man dearly as our nineteen years of wedded bliss can attest to. Spending a week driving my husband from hay field to barn to hay field to tractor has been quite illuminating.

Now this post kind of falls under the ‘Advice for engaged gals’ category I think. We classic women who have had our bands for a few years can sit and sip their coffee and nod along.

Men, it seems, think we women can`t drive. Or maybe I should say they think we can`t drive as well as they do. That distinction works better so we`ll run with the latter. I`m not quite sure how this misconception came to be. Is it just rumor or is it somehow related to testosterone production? Like the famous Tootsie-Pop commercial says’ The world may never know.’

Personally I have yet to hit anything with any of our vehicles. Okay, I did back into our farm truck once….and last winter I did slide off the driveway and into the fence. But those things could have happened to anyone! The driveway WAS treacherous. Granted the hole my bumper ripped in the cow pasture fence was rather large but there has been a man or two who also has introduced woven wire to bumper over the course of our winters, so icy drives don`t count.

Anydoodles, over the past week my dear spouse and I have had some enlightening discussions while I ferried him hither and yon. Why, I wonder, does he feel the need to point out that another car is on the road?

Mister-“Watch that car coming!”

Me-“Yes dear, I see it.”

Mister-“Well you could have given him more room.”

Me-“I didn`t push him off into the ditch did I?”

Mister-*Hard to understand mumbling that may be related to women occurs*

Now my sight may not be what it was when I was twenty but I can still see cars heading at me. Also, does it really matter where one enters a hay field?

Mister-“Why`d you pull in here? I would have went down ten feet and pulled in there.”

Me-“I liked this spot better.”

Mister-*Hard to understand mumbling that may be related to women occurs*

Another tidbit for discussion amongst yourselves is this snippet.

Mister-“You know if you shift into low the transmission wouldn`t have to work so hard on these hills.”

Me-“I`m a shiftless driver, you should know that by now.”

Mister-“Yes I know your aversion to shifting but—“

Me-“There is no but with shifting. One either is a shifter or isn`t. I am not a shifter. Once it`s in D it stays in D.”

Mister-“Does this have something to do with not making left turns?”

Me-“It runs along the same thought process yes. Shifting, left turns, parallel parking and backing up, all things I don`t do.”

Mister-*Hard to understand mumbling that may be related to women occurs*

Now from my decidedly feminine point of view I think my driving is aces! As I said earlier it was not I who collided with several deer and a bear over the course of nineteen years of holy matrimony. I did hit a robin about a month ago but he flew into my bumper in a crazed suicide attempt. Birds’ flying into cars does not count as bad driving just unlucky timing….either for me or the bird or perhaps both.

I`ve yet to be involved in an accident or gotten a speeding ticket nor have I ever drifted off the road while driving and watching a flock of turkeys. I did once veer slightly while imitating Rob Zombie shaking his wild hair while singing ‘Dragula’ but a veer is a far cry from a drift!

Somehow I have managed to arrive at my destinations intact despite my apparent lack of masculine driving skills. So any young ladies out there who may have said ‘Yes’ and accepted that diamond ring you are now forewarned.

When your new husband asks for a lift somewhere after the vows are exchanged agree pleasantly, slide behind the wheel and buckle in, smile sweetly at your spouse and recall the words of a yodeling goatherder when his palms hit those invisible brakes on the dashboard and you`ve yet to leave the driveway.

Don`t take it personally, it`s a man thing.


houndstooth said...

You mean your spouse doesn't don a crash helmet when you get behind the wheel? Huh! Well, I chalk the whole business up to the Y-Chromosome Disorder and Testosterone Poisoning.

Reese =^..^= said...

Tee Hee. Very a-mew-sing and totally true.

small farm girl said...

So cute!!!!

Pumpkinpuddy said...

Pumpkin's Mom here. Sorry, I'm with your husband on the shifting thing. The car has L & L2 for a reason.

Sharon said...

So true, and funny. Even though my eyes aren't all that swift - I prefer to drive when we go anywhere, even though he is constantly telling me about obvious obstacles, I can handle that so much better than taking a xanax, making sure I have my nitro along and shaking like a leaf when we get to our destination, when he drives, and don't you know, I am white knuckle all the way! He calls himself a "relaxed" driver.

Mister Oz said...

*hard to understand mumbling that may be about women occurs*

My Mom could tell you a story about driving my dad and how left is not right...

Texan said...

ok this was good, really good!!! Made me laugh ...

Feral Female said...

I`m glad to hear it`s not just me and my hubby!

~Tonia said...

Thats Great! Love the mumbling bit.. Hubby always says talk loud enough for me to hear.. THEN he turns around and mumbles and Will NOT repeat what he said!!! I know its not nice either. He is always nervous when I drive. At least I do the speed limit!

Leigh said...

I was rolling!!!! Absolutely hysterical post! I always let my hubby do the driving when we go out together... I think we all know why!LOL