Sunday, January 24, 2010

Oopsies & Opossums

Howdy! Come on in, pull up a chair and have a cuppa gang.

This past week we had a case of both, oopsies and opossums, which I figured I`d pass along to y`all seeing how it`s been slow here on the hillside farm. Also any chance to pass along a story of the interaction between a husband and wife of close to 19 years should never be overlooked! Give those single gals a first-hand peek at the joys of blessed matrimony, which is kind of a civic duty for old wedded women such as me. Classic!! I meant classic wedded women such as me.

We`ll talk about the oopsie first since it happened first. It was Wednesday past and as planned I let the fire go out in our wood stove so that Mister Yodeling could clean the pipe when he got home from work. The days had been climbing nicely into the forties so the house stayed warm until Mister returned. Being the lovely and considerate wife that I am, * pats self on back*, while he was elbow deep in creosote I decided to do the afternoon cow chores. Miss Yodeling was doing homework then was headed down to do the goats.

I gathered a pail of warm water, donned the chore coat and Muck boots and set off to the steer barn. I may have been whistling as I did my winter penguin waddle across the top of our driveway. I`m relatively sure I wasn`t yodeling yet. How our place is situated we get a lot of sun which aids in melting the snow but as soon as the sun drops behind the mountain, all that water turns to ice, ice baby. (Sorry about that 80`s flashback gang.)

Long story short Muck boot hit ice as I stepped down, foot went out, yodeling goatherder went down on right knee, bucket of cow water went skyward, yodeling goatherder got bath THEN set into yodeling colorfully. It took me a minute or two to get myself up, all the while Patty and Bubba J. were voicing their bovine displeasure.

“Seems like you could`ve offered a hoof up,” I scolded when I limped into the barn with half a pail of water and already freezing bifocals.

After I had the whiney boys taken care of I gimped out of the barn and made my way over to my dearest, to tell him about the fall. Not that he could do anything about it unless he has a time-turner like Hermione Granger stashed away somewhere, but he needed to know just how much blood and flesh I offered up for him. *Looks around quickly* (Between you, me and the fencepost it didn`t bleed at all but it DID hurt like the dickens.)

“Hey,” he said, kneeling in a pool of liquid creosote that he had just let loose from the previously frozen bottom of our stovepipe.”What are you limping for?”

“You know that rock, *hiss*, we use as a step over at, *hiss*, the cow barn?”


“It must have, *hiss*, had ice on it and I, *hiss*, fell down on my knee.”

“Are you okay?”

“I don`t know,*hiss and wince*, I think I shattered my kneecap.” * Hiss and wince and pained voice*.

“I don`t imagine you busted your knee or you wouldn`t have walked back to tell me about it.”

*Scowl*” I`m classic, my bones are becoming thin. It could have shattered!” *Hiss and wince*

“Uh-huh. Should I call an orthopedic surgeon? You`ll have to pay for it out of pocket, there ain`t no compensation on this job you know. Comic book fund should cover it don`t you think?”

*Deeper scowl*”Comic book fund is sacred, like hunting fund. Do you want to see, *hiss*, it?”

“Right now?” * Looks down at hands coated in black with knitted brows then sighs* “Sure.”

*Wrinkles nose at filthy hands*“Not out here, it`s too cold. If I can get inside I`ll show you when you`re done.”

“You sure you don`t want me to carry you inside?” *Tone now slipping deeply into smart-aleckness*

*Sniffs haughtily*”No, no, I`ll manage Sir Galahad.”* Gimps back into house*

What I ended up with was a pretty purple bruise along with a rug-burn. Hmmm, I guess that should be rock-burn. Truth told it doesn`t even hurt now and we didn`t need to call an orthopedic surgeon so the comic book fund is safe. (Thank the gods since there are SCADS of Ironman comics coming out to bolster the impending Ironman 2 movie!) * Takes deep calming breath*

Mister did give it a good look after we had the fire going again though and offered me his sincerest sympathies. Also the next day a fine, thick coating of cinders had been spread over all the paths I use. He`s a good guy, that fellow goatherder of mine, even if he does have a smart-aleck streak at times.


Now onto the opossum tale!

This was all related to me second-hand since I was lounging in the bathtub when it occurred. I love to take nice hot baths, and I had to soak my wounded knee. * Wonders if anyone is buying that excuse*Actually I have a story lined up about my bath-time experiences but that`s to be posted another day. Onward to the `possum tale!

Miss Yodeling has the job of shutting up the birds at night. She`s younger than us and can climb that hill with great speed, especially if she`s in the middle of a video game. Amazing what the proper motivation can do for a teen-ager isn`t it?

Anywhozits, off she went with our black lab Trinity at her side. Trinity always accompanies her in case there may be a critter lurking about and to carry the egg basket back to the house. Miss Yodeling carries the eggs in her hands so that they arrive whole as opposed to scrambled which would happen with a lab carrying the eggs I tend to reason. I`m drifting aren`t I? Sorry. *Dashes to pot for refill of java juice*

As she neared the chicken coop she saw something large and light colored sitting on the post we secure the coop door to so that it doesn`t blow shut. According to her she at first thought it was a bird of some sort, since it was pert near dark at this time, and all she could make out was a long beak. (Turned out to be the opossum`s nose.)

Scared the wits out of her once she got close enough to get a good close look she tells me, and I don`t doubt it did. They are some down-right ugly critters! She and the dog came running back to the house to get a light and Mister Yodeling, who was sending game camera pictures to one of his buddies of turkeys on the desktop. Even in the off season it never stops. *Sighs*

Back out they went. I was lounging and soaking and somehow didn`t hear any of the conversation or the back door opening and shutting frequently. The Calgon Zone is a truly wondrous place! Once both of them, and Trinity, arrived at the coop there he sat, all hunched up atop that post and hissing like a cat with a sideways whisker.

“You make the call,” Mister said to her.

“I don`t know how to sound like a `possum!”

“No,” he chuckled.” Do we send him to that `possum playground in the sky or do we leave him be?”

Since we have a rather strict policy about critters that linger near our poultry for ANY reason that opossum is now no longer trying to sneak into chicken coops suffice to say. As all this was going down I emerged from the bath and padded out to an empty house.

“Hello??” I called wondering what in tarnation had happened to my other goatherders. Did they get abducted by aliens who wished to study rural folks? Once I spied their headlights bobbing around in the yard, then I knew something was going on and all would be revealed soon enough. And so I have now passed the tales of Oopsies and Opossums along to y`all!

Heck, guess the week wasn`t so slow after all huh?


small farm girl said...

Sorry to hear about how bad your knee hurt, but I'm glad you are feeling better. I hope you got a lot of sympathy time.

It's a good thing your youngin decided to "get rid" of the possium. As you know they can reck havac on a chicken coope.

I hope this week will be easier on you guys.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry but, I laughed all the way thru this. Thanks for all the laughter.

houndstooth said...

Ah, yes, marital bliss! You have to love it!

Feral Female said...

Thanks for the well wishes SFG. Your a peach.

I`m glad you got a chuckle Barbara! Life is just too funny not to laugh at it isn`t it? Much like marriage at times. *Winks*

Mister Oz said...

Ouch ouch ouch! I know first hand how bad knees hurt when they've been smashed into an immovable object like your rock or a Wendy's kitchen floor...

So yes, I bought the soaking rationale. Glad you're feeling better FF, and that the Comic Fund is safe (at least until Normie discovers it *shh*) don't be surprised if out of the blue you have an occasional unexplainable soreness in your knee in the future.