Friday, January 1, 2010

2010 Resolutions

Ho boy, is it January 1st already?

Where in the name of Minnie Pearl`s price-tag did 2009 go?! How did another year zip by so fast? Where is my list of last year’s resolutions? I have to bet it mistakenly got tossed in the burn-bag about two weeks after January 1st of last year so I won`t be able to check back and see if I really did any of the things I said I would do. (Okay, I know I didn`t but like they say a poor excuse is better than none at all.)

As I take down my 2009 Marvel Heroes calendar and replace it with a new 2010 Marvel Heroes calendar I find myself in the awkward position….and no it`s not upside-down in the bathtub covered with scrubbing bubbles and no there are no pictures to be found-I made sure of that….of having to write down what I resolve to do in this brand new year.

Hoping to put it off as long as I can I went to the other yodeling members of my family and asked them what they wanted to accomplish in 2010. And when I say I went to the other members I mean ALL the other members! When I want to put something off I can be most creative! So here are some resolutions from us way up here on the hillside farm.*Sneaks off on tippy-toes hoping to evade detection*

Miss Yodeling has resolved to stay on high honor roll.

Mister Yodeling has resolved to bring his wife roses every week and give her foot rubs when she asks, also clean the bathtub as opposed to hunting and….Yeah, you all ain`t buying this version are ya? Well a woman can dream can`t she?!

Mister Yodeling has resolved to lose some weight. (I prefer the above resolution myself but the truth in blogging act of 1892 states I can`t fib about my husband’s resolution too much….. Oh, that was the truth in LOGGING act of 1892. I was wondering…)

Bubba J. and Patrick have resolved to not pooh directly behind their door every single night, therefore making it easier for a yodeling goatherder to enter the cow barn without having a frozen cow patty doorstop barring her entrance.

The chickens have resolved to stop laying their eggs hither-and-yon and will from this point on only lay eggs in their lovely 6-hole nest box which will put an end to daily Easter egg hunts, frozen solid eggs and fifty-two dozen broods of ‘SURPRISE!!’ peeps.

The goats have resolved to only have their kids when a human is actually IN THE GOATBARN and not placidly chew their cud while crossing their legs until said human leaves to make a potty run then dropping two kids in forty-five seconds whilst snickering behind said exhausted humans back.

Poe the yellow lab has resolved to actually turn her hearing aids ON when she goes outside when Mister Yodeling isn`t home, ending the screeching sounds and resulting aggravated larynx of Mrs. Yodeling.

The geese have resolved to be nicer to the chickens. (This is still in contract negotiations since both sides are demanding things the other side ruffles their feathers at. *Cracks up at own feather joke*)

Tinker the beagle has made the resolution to stop barking at the talking Peanut doll whenever Peanut utters one of his catch phrases or merely looks at him or happens to touch him in any way, shape or form.

Bean the old calico cat says she can`t recall what a resolution is and is too damned old to be making one anyway although she wishes she had one less kitten in her life.

Trinity the black lab resolves to help in whatever way she can and realizes carrying slippers into the snow then dropping them to chase a rabbit with Tinker the beagle at 4:30 AM is not really helping despite her best intentions.

Lu-Lu has made the following resolutions for 2010- She will wait patiently as the lady scoops and cleans the litter box then will immediately leap in and make it dirty again before lady is even standing straight. (Wait, she does that now so how is that any kind of improvement??)She will only make Bean the old cranky-puss hiss once an hour unless it`s 4:30 AM and someone isn`t letting her outside quickly enough. She will try to remember that toes are not cat toys but makes no promises. She`ll do her best to not come from the cat box then leap onto the kitchen table to taste the kids cereal milk with her paw. (She knows where her feet have been thank you! Right at the end of her legs, DUH!) Her claws will not use any of the furniture for scratching posts. She hopes she can stop pulling stuff out from under the bathroom sink or stealing the lady`s razor from the side of the tub and running through the house with a dead Bic disposable in her mouth. (This is just a partial list of bad behaviors that you, I and Lu-Lu know will not be amended until the year 2020 or beyond.)

Hmmm, guess that`s the whole kit and caboodle isn`t it? *Sighs* Okay, I`ll add a few of my own. *Takes slug of coffee for fortification*

I resolve to not push any small children aside in my haste to get into the movie theatre when Ironman 2 comes out in May….although anyone over the age of thirteen is on their own!

I resolve to clean my house more frequently. *Laughs internally*

I resolve to not buy anymore paranormal romances until I have the pile under my end table read. (This resolution is null and void if J.R. Ward releases a new Black Dagger Brotherhood novel or Houndstooth recommends something just so y`all know.)

I resolve to not yell, shout or curse lividly at my comics as I`m reading them. Laughing at Deadpool is allowed though since that doesn`t raise the eyebrows of my family members like ‘ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!? NO WAY IRONMAN WOULD LOSE TO MOLEMAN!!! WHO WROTE THIS TRIPE ANYWAY?!?!?!?’ during a quiet evening at home.

I resolve to see every movie Ryan Reynolds releases in 2010. (That one has a high probability of actually being done.)

And finally I resolve to keep submitting my stories until I see one of them in print somewhere.

There! Done! Oh sure I know, there are lots of conditions in my resolutions but at least I may actually stick to them although #2 is looking shaky already.* Tosses dust rag over shoulder to sit down and write*

Happy 2010 from our farm to yours!!!


small farm girl said...

I just love your posts. I can always look forward to laughing. Thank you and have a Happy New Year.

houndstooth said...

Good luck on those resolutions! I have a feeling Lu Lu is working on teaching you a few things!

Mister Oz said...

I think reknown guitarist Jeff Beck gave the best resolution I've ever heard when he resolved to not change and keep being the person he is.

And personally, anybody twelve and older is on their own. That goes in life as a whole, not just the line to see a motion picture (though the IM2 trailer I saw the other day may get me in line too).

Happy New Year, Feral and everybody!

~Tonia said...

Loved it!

Feral Female said...

I like Jeff Beck`s thinking MO! Hope the new year is treating everyone well so far. =)